Num 122

when will this thing called 'cancer' stop interfering with my life...

no, i don't have cancer.

but i just found out a few days ago that another person that i truly love has cancer...

=(

again!!!

throughtout my 23 years of existence, i've received this news 3 times!!!

my mum survived cancer =) coz she's young and strong....but my aunty (babysitter/god-mum) did not =(

and now it's her turn....judging from her age, i really dunno if she would survive it =(
i'd always thought that she would live to a ripe age of 99 and die of natural causes.
and i can't bare to go home to visit her coz it would kill me so much i might break down there and then....but not visiting her would make me an unfaithful/ungrateful/mean person...

from what i wrote, some u might guess how this person is related to me..

i have so much in my head, i woke up today with the worst headache ever!

there's nothing i can do but to keep myself occupied right now...

Num 121

first of all i would to apologise in advance because what u r about to read is again another post of me getting frustrated and angry over a group assignment....

so, i've spent my whole day editing my group's assignment yesterday. going through shitty grammar and lousy sentences. i don't mind doing this part, coz that's what editing is about right???

but then, wat i got from them...total nonsense.

1. uncomplete work...so instead of editing, i ended up doing their part...how should i put this?? er....'got head, no tail'....so i ended up writing the 'tail' part...=="

2. capital letters and full stops!!!!! capital letters and full stops!!!!!! CAPITAL LETTERS AND FULL STOPS!!!! these are simple common things....and some couldn't even be bothered to put in a capital letter and a full stop....==" hello, all u have to do is press a key or two on the keyboard. i don't need unnecessary work like adding in capital letters and full stops just because they are lazy to press 'caps lock'.

3. i did as much as i could. using my effort and precious time to edit, writing extra, putting all the pieces together....and what i requested was for them to help me do the cover page and help in printing out the assignment. that's all right??? simple and easy....guess what???
mistakes on the cover page =="'

haiz...i was speechless and at that point, i was totally dissapointed. i spent my whole night trying to make the assignment better, when i could've done my own thesis instead. i corrected mistakes and grammar errors, and hell...even added capital letters and full stops!!!

so i thought, simple cover page nia ma......no way they can do mistake on that ma.....i was wrong apparently... coz some ppl couldn't be bothered to double check before printing....it only takes a few seconds of ur life to scan through the cover page, spot the mistake, and correct it. the least u can do compared to the amount of work i did!!!!

some might say....haiya, nvm la....a bit nia ma........that's not the point!!! the point is they rely too much on others and do not show any effort at all....they knew i would pick up their shit and clean it....and so, they shitted everywhere so that i can continue cleaning up the shit....i can't take it when ppl take me for granted.

we passed up the assignment earlier today. i didn't want to look at the final printed copy at all!!!
thank god it's the final group assignment i'll ever do in my uni life.... after today, the only shit i have to clean up is my own and chloe's!!!!

to coursemates of mine who are reading this....i'm sorry for being such a bitch for the last 3 years! i can't help it but to be like this.....i was born with this obssesive-compulsive thing when it comes to doing my work. don't believe me...ask my secondary schoolmates....i used to cut small pieces of white papers and stick them on whatever mistakes i had instead of using liquid papers =="

Num 120

this is really fu*ked up la...........

i have no time for my thesis and yet i have to edit the group assignment....

i don't mind actually to edit........

but when i c the work they did, i get so frustrated!!!!!

i'm abt to cry now!!!!

seriously???? is that all???

i know the assignment is only 8 pages maximum, but it doesn't give us the right to slack off........

please la........it's 40% of my final grades for that subject k...

u guys may be smart but i rely on my asisgnments to score in the subject....

and thanks to u guys, i don't think i can do well in this fu*king assignment anymore....

some of u may read this, but then again i don't care.

u guys cost me my 40%!!!!!

T.T

stress is really getting on me.......

ps: dude, copy and paste is not even an option la....it's so obvious that u copied and paste....i kept my mouth shut because this is the last group assignment. thank god it's the last sem...

Num 119

i have tons of things to do and yet when i c this shitty work, i become so effing pissed off!!!!!

thank god it's the last sem.....

grrrrrrrrrrrr............

Num 118

once again, the feeling of being such a failure arises again tonight.

another good friend of mine is on to something great soon.

y am i so incompetent??

*sigh*

being in a typical chinese family, my mum would definitely compare me to these ppl if she knew.
and being me, i would be so dissapointed in myself for not making my parents proud.
it's hard to live up to their expectations. and my own expectations as well.

=(

Num 117

i'm feeling inferior and at a very low point of my life right now...=(

former schoolmates of mine who had 90% graduated are all going places. as in they are getting their dream jobs, working outstations, interning outstations, first class degrees from international universities, going to graduate school etc. i'm really happy for them =) and it shows that SGGS produces good quality students that will go on in life to become successful ppl.

but somehow i'm stuck here. unsure of what lies ahead of me. not motivated, and very sure that i won't be getting these chances like them.

Num 116

now this is really weird........

i was abt to go to sleep, said good nite to sheng and closed my eyes.....

till the image of my aunty and ke-pa pop into my head out of a sudden....i have no idea y but i started missing them so much i cried so much i never cried like this since the day she died.

aunty and ke-pa were like my parents. they were my babysitters who took care of me till i was 9. i was so attached to them when i was younger i wasn't even close to my own parents. by as i grew up and moved back into my parent's hse, i started to grew apart from them. n when they moved to kl to live with their working daughter, we didn't seem to keep in contact much anymore. i remembered promising myself that i would give them some monthly allowance one day when i start working.....bad news came and aunty was diagnosed with colon cancer. she eventually passed away. i can still remember seeing her thin fragile body when we visited her in kl abt a few months before she died. 4 months after she passed on, ke-pa passed away as well....

i was crying so badly just now i couldn't stand it but to get out of bed wanting to blog abt my sudden emo-ness.....i checked back my previous blog under friendster to read abt the post i wrote on the day i received the news. and was shocked....aunty died on the 6th of July 2006... today is 6th of July 2010. exactly 4 years later....i can't believe the coincidence here....was it pure coincidence? or did some bizarre and weird force of nature happened here??

really, i am not creating any story or anything....it really happened right before i went to sleep. all of sudden the thought of them came out and i started missing them so much.....i cried buckets of tears..am still crying now =(

4 years is a long time, and lots had happened. i'm abt to graduate in abt 3 months....i thought it was stress causing all my sudden outburst just now...but apparently not. i know both of them are in a happy place....i just wished i had the chance to repay them and take care of them. although they are not related by blood to me and my sis, we owe them tons for loving us like their own daughters.

this post is for my aunty's 4th year death anniversary. will always love and remember both u and ke-pa forever.